Going There

I'll give you one about me. I have felt thwarted in going forward in what I want to do in life.  The specifics are unimportant because it was a blanket denial with a full iron-clad effect on me. So as an adult, I've struggled with this invisible blanket, or to use a different visual, it's like punching from inside a paper bag that won't rip. A completely closed universe. 


Well, once long ago, evidently something happened to me or was done to me, but in present day, with no one with me in my meditation room, or next to me while I walk on the street, no one is dong anything to me. Yet, the feeling I describe is all-encompassing. Therefore, what I've learned is this.  Whoever that person was (perhaps a parent), whoever they are, it stops at your skin. They do not have the ability to permeate your physical layers. So, what I've done is, I've taken that (whatever that is), and me, myself alone, have gone from my outer-most layer, my skin, I've permeated the rest. I'm the one who's done it. I've gone inwards with it. Used it against me. Everyone else stops at the level of my skin. What happens to me at that point, I, somehow, am doing to myself. I've learned it. and now, alone in my room, no one needs to be doing 'it' to me in order for me to feel the pain, the effect, the hurt, whatever the feeling is. 


So, in meditation, seeing it, putting one's attention on it, and doing the work in letting go of this false identification of the ego - it isn't YOU,  (I haven't yet gone into what the process entails), you are able to eliminate it from your being entirely, so long as you are willing to let that ego identification die. You must however, kiss a part of yourself goodbye, no matter how sorry and sad sack it is, it still seems to be you and so you want to hold on to it. But when you take the leap into pure emptiness, something new and more amazing than you could imagine takes its place... and more.